Laura Evans a.k.a. The St Ives Mermaid is an actual mermaid. What more do you want? Over summer you can see her appearing across Cornwall and her videos are pretty amazing, too.
Find her on Twitter - @StIvesMermaid
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea. Builders. No sugar.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Despite being on the cricket team when I was in primary school I, at the risk of offending and distressing many people, would feel shocked but mostly ambivalent about your decision.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I'd have my own crochet studio but despite my best efforts it would always be inhabited by terrifyingly huge spiders.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
I would get a message to them via a mutual connection.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Fat girl in a tail (favourite heckle during one of my mermaid appearances).
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Bubbles (think Absolutely Fabulous).
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Funnily enough this was a recent discussion between my other half and I after watching The Martian. I'm keen to either keep my feet on the ground or deep in the ocean... I do not crave flight. Plus, I'm not keen on Mars (the chocolate bar).
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
RuPaul's Drag Race.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
A lie in, the cold side of a pillow, open window, birds chirping, afternoon sea swim, obscenely large roast dinner, evening of crochet, interesting television and a book in bed before sleep.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
The Night Watch, Fifth Element & The Minutes (Alison Moyet).
Monday, 17 April 2017
Sunday, 2 April 2017
Tony Cowards
Tony Cowards is a comedian, presenter and award winning writer who specialises in puns.
Find him on Twitter - @TonyCowards
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea. Plain old English breakfast tea (as the Americans would call it). I was raised on tea and drink far too much of it.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
I'd be upset as I love listening to Test Match Special on the radio, especially on long drives.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Professional footballer but I'd have to play for Norwich City (I'm an Ipswich Town fan).
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Unfortunately I don't have Piers Morgan's number...
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
IronMan, with the ability to remove all the creases from fresh laundry.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
I've been heckled by people telling me that I look like a normal sized Stephen Merchant, so maybe he could come along as my big brother.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Yes, as long as I didn't have to grow potatoes in my own poo like Matt Damon.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
The Apprentice. There's no way I could do any worse than the numpties they have on there.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Walk my dog somewhere with a nice lake or river, then stop and have a Sunday roast at a pub with friends.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Well the first is a collection of paper with words and pictures in it... Oh I see what you mean... "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, "When Harry Met Sally" and "The Bends" by Radiohead
Find him on Twitter - @TonyCowards
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea. Plain old English breakfast tea (as the Americans would call it). I was raised on tea and drink far too much of it.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
I'd be upset as I love listening to Test Match Special on the radio, especially on long drives.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Professional footballer but I'd have to play for Norwich City (I'm an Ipswich Town fan).
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Unfortunately I don't have Piers Morgan's number...
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
IronMan, with the ability to remove all the creases from fresh laundry.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
I've been heckled by people telling me that I look like a normal sized Stephen Merchant, so maybe he could come along as my big brother.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Yes, as long as I didn't have to grow potatoes in my own poo like Matt Damon.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
The Apprentice. There's no way I could do any worse than the numpties they have on there.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Walk my dog somewhere with a nice lake or river, then stop and have a Sunday roast at a pub with friends.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Well the first is a collection of paper with words and pictures in it... Oh I see what you mean... "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, "When Harry Met Sally" and "The Bends" by Radiohead
Monday, 27 March 2017
Julia Hughes
Julia Hughes is an author and ultra active book promoter. Her series are available on Amazon.
Find her on Twitter - @tinksaid
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea, Indian style.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Amused. Good luck with that one.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
A high class chocolatier, but develop an allergy to cocoa.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Oh yes. I presume they hate me right back, or at least find me irritating. Now I’ve saved their life and they owe me big time. Sweet.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Wasp whisperer. Actually, that’s probably not as mediocre as it first seems.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
The local undertaker. I’d want to die after about five minutes in the above company.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
No. Tink literally climbs walls in my absence. There’s a couple of humans who need me, too.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I’d choose a cookery show and probably go out in the first round.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Walk the dogs to the local pub for lunch. Afterwards go sea kayaking with a barbeque on the beach, and a laid back game of tip and run. That, by the way, is the new name for cricket.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Thank you, and Happy Christmas. Aesop’s Fables, illustrated by Arthur Rackham, Cloud Atlas, and Bowie’s Hunky Dory album.
Find her on Twitter - @tinksaid
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea, Indian style.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Amused. Good luck with that one.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
A high class chocolatier, but develop an allergy to cocoa.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Oh yes. I presume they hate me right back, or at least find me irritating. Now I’ve saved their life and they owe me big time. Sweet.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Wasp whisperer. Actually, that’s probably not as mediocre as it first seems.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
The local undertaker. I’d want to die after about five minutes in the above company.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
No. Tink literally climbs walls in my absence. There’s a couple of humans who need me, too.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I’d choose a cookery show and probably go out in the first round.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Walk the dogs to the local pub for lunch. Afterwards go sea kayaking with a barbeque on the beach, and a laid back game of tip and run. That, by the way, is the new name for cricket.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Thank you, and Happy Christmas. Aesop’s Fables, illustrated by Arthur Rackham, Cloud Atlas, and Bowie’s Hunky Dory album.
Sunday, 19 March 2017
Sarah McQuaid
Sarah McQuaid is a singer-songwriter, guitarist and author of The Irish DADGAD Guitar Book who will be touring this April.
Find her on Twitter - @sarahmcquaid
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Coffee, black, no sugar. But it has to be good coffee. The trouble with drinking one's coffee black with no sugar is that if it's not good it's completely undrinkable.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
I'm not a cricket fan, but I'm very cross with you for using your absolute power to ban something as harmless as cricket. Surely you can do better than that!
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I kind of feel like I have the perfect job right now, in that I'm my own boss and I'm doing what I love. The catch is that I have to try to think of clever, humorous answers for questionnaires like this one! Arrrghh!
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Can I email to warn them instead? Or text, even. I really, really, really hate making phone calls.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Sock-Pairing-Woman! I can sort out a tangle of socks in under two minutes, even if they're all black.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
People keep telling me I look like Carly Simon. I can't see the resemblance myself, but she's a brilliant singer and songwriter and I'd like to meet her anyway, so what the heck.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars.
Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Hell, no. I find flights hard enough to cope with, whatever about space travel.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
We got rid of our television back in 2003, so I'm kind of out of touch with the whole reality TV thing. However, I've just gone on Wikipedia to read up about the subject and I see that there's an Australian programme called "Renovation Rescue" in which a team of tradespeople shows up at your house and renovates it in two days. That sounds ok to me.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
When I'm not away on tour, I normally spend my Sundays rushing around trying to get stuff done that I've been putting off all week to do on Sunday. Sometimes I think it would be nice to spend the day lying on the sofa, reading and listening to music instead. But I've never actually tried doing that, so maybe I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I think I would.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Gosh. That's a tough one. I take it this means I get the same book, film and album every week? So they have to be ones I'd want to read/see/listen to again and again. In which case let's make the book "The Wind In The Willows", the film "This Is Spinal Tap" and the album Joni Mitchell's "Blue".
Find her on Twitter - @sarahmcquaid
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Coffee, black, no sugar. But it has to be good coffee. The trouble with drinking one's coffee black with no sugar is that if it's not good it's completely undrinkable.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
I'm not a cricket fan, but I'm very cross with you for using your absolute power to ban something as harmless as cricket. Surely you can do better than that!
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I kind of feel like I have the perfect job right now, in that I'm my own boss and I'm doing what I love. The catch is that I have to try to think of clever, humorous answers for questionnaires like this one! Arrrghh!
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Can I email to warn them instead? Or text, even. I really, really, really hate making phone calls.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Sock-Pairing-Woman! I can sort out a tangle of socks in under two minutes, even if they're all black.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
People keep telling me I look like Carly Simon. I can't see the resemblance myself, but she's a brilliant singer and songwriter and I'd like to meet her anyway, so what the heck.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars.
Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Hell, no. I find flights hard enough to cope with, whatever about space travel.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
We got rid of our television back in 2003, so I'm kind of out of touch with the whole reality TV thing. However, I've just gone on Wikipedia to read up about the subject and I see that there's an Australian programme called "Renovation Rescue" in which a team of tradespeople shows up at your house and renovates it in two days. That sounds ok to me.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
When I'm not away on tour, I normally spend my Sundays rushing around trying to get stuff done that I've been putting off all week to do on Sunday. Sometimes I think it would be nice to spend the day lying on the sofa, reading and listening to music instead. But I've never actually tried doing that, so maybe I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I think I would.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Gosh. That's a tough one. I take it this means I get the same book, film and album every week? So they have to be ones I'd want to read/see/listen to again and again. In which case let's make the book "The Wind In The Willows", the film "This Is Spinal Tap" and the album Joni Mitchell's "Blue".
Sunday, 12 March 2017
Mark Hendy
Mark Hendy is a writer and life commentator who is infamous for accidentally being funny. His website is also his name - http://markhendy.co.uk/.
Find him on Twitter - @mrkhndy
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
I’d like to think that I would push my luck and ask for a glass of Malbec. But I would probably just have a cup of tea. I’ll just drink whatever you give me, it’s fine.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Right firstly I’d like to know more about how you became Emperor of the World. It’s a substantial role. I’m not suggesting you’re not up to it. I wouldn’t try to stop your cricket ban, I mean what can I do. I’d see people go on cricket marches, probably retweet them. Would that be ok? I just want an easy life.
If someone close to me enjoyed cricket and was now affected by the ban, I suppose that would have a knock-on effect for me and I would feel obliged to at least look like I cared.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I quite like gardening but I don’t like interacting with other people very much. So the job would be Gardener. And the catch would be that I had to interact with people in the garden. Nightmare.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Someone else will do it. In my mind that absolves me from any moral dilemma. I don’t think I have the phone number of anyone I hate either.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Hang on is this like a riddle? I have to guess who I am? Let’s consider that it’s not a riddle and just a question. In that case, I would say I would be MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO A BORDERLINE MESSY FART – MAN. By which I mean, that I would be able to point at someone and they would need to fart, but they wouldn’t know if they were able without defecating slightly.
I would use this sparingly, and on bad people. Such as nazi people, or thieves.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
I would go alone, and I would say that my sibling had died. I would aim to ruin the vibe of the party and then leave early.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
No way. Who on earth would say yes? It would be utterly rubbish.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I would kill myself.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
I would kill myself.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
I like this idea. I guess you’re asking what’s my favourite book, film, and album? Although seeing as this may be viewed by other people, I do need to consider how my answers will be perceived. Actually I probably should have thought about this before I got to question ten.
Okay, let’s say The Diving Bell and the Butterfly for the book, because it’s just such an astonishing feat. Any film is fine really. And any Boards of Canada album, because I really like Boards of Canada.
Find him on Twitter - @mrkhndy
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
I’d like to think that I would push my luck and ask for a glass of Malbec. But I would probably just have a cup of tea. I’ll just drink whatever you give me, it’s fine.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Right firstly I’d like to know more about how you became Emperor of the World. It’s a substantial role. I’m not suggesting you’re not up to it. I wouldn’t try to stop your cricket ban, I mean what can I do. I’d see people go on cricket marches, probably retweet them. Would that be ok? I just want an easy life.
If someone close to me enjoyed cricket and was now affected by the ban, I suppose that would have a knock-on effect for me and I would feel obliged to at least look like I cared.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I quite like gardening but I don’t like interacting with other people very much. So the job would be Gardener. And the catch would be that I had to interact with people in the garden. Nightmare.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Someone else will do it. In my mind that absolves me from any moral dilemma. I don’t think I have the phone number of anyone I hate either.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Hang on is this like a riddle? I have to guess who I am? Let’s consider that it’s not a riddle and just a question. In that case, I would say I would be MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO A BORDERLINE MESSY FART – MAN. By which I mean, that I would be able to point at someone and they would need to fart, but they wouldn’t know if they were able without defecating slightly.
I would use this sparingly, and on bad people. Such as nazi people, or thieves.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
I would go alone, and I would say that my sibling had died. I would aim to ruin the vibe of the party and then leave early.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
No way. Who on earth would say yes? It would be utterly rubbish.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I would kill myself.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
I would kill myself.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
I like this idea. I guess you’re asking what’s my favourite book, film, and album? Although seeing as this may be viewed by other people, I do need to consider how my answers will be perceived. Actually I probably should have thought about this before I got to question ten.
Okay, let’s say The Diving Bell and the Butterfly for the book, because it’s just such an astonishing feat. Any film is fine really. And any Boards of Canada album, because I really like Boards of Canada.
Sunday, 5 March 2017
Ewen Macintosh
Ewen Macintosh is an actor, voiceover artist and comedian who has regularly appeared on the Radio 4 sitcom Cabin Pressure.
Find him on Twitter - @ewenmacintosh
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
A coffee like they do them in greasy spoons where they seem to stay hot forever.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Very very upset. I may never speak to you again
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Restaurant critic but I have had my tastebuds removed.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
I would write a letter warning them and deliver it with Yodel.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Dynamo
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Peter Hitchens
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Only if I get to fly business class.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
An amazing Korean one called 'The Genius'
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Have a great roast dinner and talk about great cricket matches of yore.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
The Viz Annual, Die Hard and Bat Out Of Hell
Find him on Twitter - @ewenmacintosh
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
A coffee like they do them in greasy spoons where they seem to stay hot forever.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Very very upset. I may never speak to you again
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Restaurant critic but I have had my tastebuds removed.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
I would write a letter warning them and deliver it with Yodel.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Dynamo
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Peter Hitchens
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Only if I get to fly business class.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
An amazing Korean one called 'The Genius'
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Have a great roast dinner and talk about great cricket matches of yore.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
The Viz Annual, Die Hard and Bat Out Of Hell
Sunday, 26 February 2017
Tim from The Big Green Bookshop
The Big Green Bookshop is made up of Simon, internationally recognised news icon and Piers Morgan botherer, and Tim, known as “The Other One” or "Ortim" (as in “Is that Simon Ortim?) or “The Old One” or “The One With The Beard”, although they both have beards.
Find The Big Green Bookshop on Twitter - @Biggreenbooks
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea – no, Hot chocolate – no, Tea.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
I feel like a cup of tea.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Porn star, but I’d have to lose an inch off my penis
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Why would I have their phone number?
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Tim, how-do-you-do? My thumbs bend backwards. (This is actually true. My thumbs do bend backwards)
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Dara O’Briain. We don’t look anything like each other.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
YES.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I’m a celebrity, get me out of here. Free trip to Australia, then complain about everything. Pretend to be stressed on day 1. Spend rest of the time in a hotel.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Sleep. Read. Eat. Play PC RGP game. Eat. Drink. Sleep. All while avoiding any human contact.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Hopefully, a surprise. Or a rich chap’s cheque book. Cling. Stamp.
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1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea – no, Hot chocolate – no, Tea.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
I feel like a cup of tea.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Porn star, but I’d have to lose an inch off my penis
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Why would I have their phone number?
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Tim, how-do-you-do? My thumbs bend backwards. (This is actually true. My thumbs do bend backwards)
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Dara O’Briain. We don’t look anything like each other.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
YES.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I’m a celebrity, get me out of here. Free trip to Australia, then complain about everything. Pretend to be stressed on day 1. Spend rest of the time in a hotel.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Sleep. Read. Eat. Play PC RGP game. Eat. Drink. Sleep. All while avoiding any human contact.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Hopefully, a surprise. Or a rich chap’s cheque book. Cling. Stamp.
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