Tony Cowards

Tony Cowards is a comedian, presenter and award winning writer who specialises in puns.

Find him on Twitter - @TonyCowards

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?

Tea. Plain old English breakfast tea (as the Americans would call it). I was raised on tea and drink far too much of it.

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?

I'd be upset as I love listening to Test Match Special on the radio, especially on long drives.

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?

Professional footballer but I'd have to play for Norwich City (I'm an Ipswich Town fan).

4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?

Unfortunately I don't have Piers Morgan's number...

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?

IronMan, with the ability to remove all the creases from fresh laundry.

6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?

I've been heckled by people telling me that I look like a normal sized Stephen Merchant, so maybe he could come along as my big brother.

7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?

Yes, as long as I didn't have to grow potatoes in my own poo like Matt Damon.

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?

The Apprentice. There's no way I could do any worse than the numpties they have on there.

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?

Walk my dog somewhere with a nice lake or river, then stop and have a Sunday roast at a pub with friends.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

Well the first is a collection of paper with words and pictures in it... Oh I see what you mean... "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, "When Harry Met Sally" and "The Bends" by Radiohead