Dan Warden

Dan Warden is a media assistant at a publishing company and fishing enthusiast meaning he always has some kind of stick in his hand.

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose? 

I'll have to be 'that guy' and say 'coffee - I live on that stuff.' I drink copious amounts of tea when I'm fishing, but day to day, I'm afraid to say, I rely on an unhealthy amount of bean-juice!

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of the sport, although it tickled me to hear one of my friends repeat an absolutely cracking piece of Aussie cricket commentary: "That one's got an air hostess on it!"

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?

The job would have to be working for an Angling publication and, while I'm not fussy on the discipline, carp fishing is my passion, so something like Total Carp or Carp Monthly would be bang on! I'd say the catch (wonderful pun, thanks to the question!) would be either moving from Cornwall or being so busy writing about it that I'd have no time to actually fish.

4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?

I don't think I know anyone that I hate that much to knowingly leave them to die. Saying that, people who stop at seemingly random intervals on a busy pavement are asking to be left behind..

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?

Manatee (my nickname) - the wallowing old sea cow who'll probably wind up scalped by a power boat.

6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?

Father Time (Apparently I've the speed, attitude and all-round bearing of an old man).

7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?

I think I probably would, yeah, but I don't know what I'd bring to the team on such a huge expedition.

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?

Good lord, no appealing? Perhaps The Island, but still, what I'd bring to the team remains a mystery.

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?

Carping in the sun with my partner, and I'd be happy with soup and a massive tiger baguette for dinner.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

The book would be Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood (and the following two, if that's possible). The film - the first Spongebob Squarepants movie. For the album, a photo album of all my captures along with seasonal pictures of the different lakes that I fish in Cornwall. Is that allowed?

A little self indulgent but we'll allow it - Ed.

Kent Tayler

Kent Tayler is a cartoonist and family man who has had work published in Viz, Private Eye and Prospect magazines. His most notable work to date, however, are the illustrations in the epic high seas adventure, "Natalie's Fiendish New Headteacher" which is available to buy at Amazon and Waterstones.

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose? 

Tea, white, no sugar. And a massive pack of chocolate Hobnobs.

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?

Personally, I couldn’t care less. But I do have friends who adore cricket, so I’d feel bad for them.

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?

To get paid to draw forever, but my drawing hand would need daily injections to work properly. I’m terrified of injections.

4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?

Just one person? I have a list. And can I set up webcams to see their reactions when I phone them?

The answer to this, just for you, is yes.

Definitely yes. And I still have a list.

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?

Dance Man! With the power to move and groove like Bobby Farrell from Boney M. And there’s no mediocre side to that I can actually think of.

6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?

I’ve been told I look like Louis Theroux, Egon Spengler from Ghostbusters and silent film star Harold Lloyd. I’d bring one of them and if the party was bloody awful, I could do a runner and they’d take my place with no-one the wiser.

7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?

What, and miss making the traditional Saturday night enchiladas and cheesy nachos with my daughter? Absolutely not!

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?

I’m A Celeb, no question. We love that programme in our house. It’s the only reality t.v show we watch - the rest can jump in a lake (especially that Kardashian one).  

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?

A long family walk in the woods with the dog. Back for lots of tea, hot buttered toast and biscuits. A fat Sunday roast. A kip. Then a massive film binge whilst sprawled out on the sofa with the good lady and a ton of munchies. Then, before sleep, I’d actually finish reading one of the many books I’ve accumulated on the bedside table.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

Blimey! Okay. I’d say The Dark Knight Returns (comic books count, right?), Aussie eco-horror “Long Weekend” (the 1978 original, not the remake) and “Dare” by The Human League.  

Laura Evans, The St Ives Mermaid

Laura Evans a.k.a. The St Ives Mermaid is an actual mermaid. What more do you want? Over summer you can see her appearing across Cornwall and her videos are pretty amazing, too.

Find her on Twitter - @StIvesMermaid

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose? 

Tea. Builders. No sugar.

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?

Despite being on the cricket team when I was in primary school I, at the risk of offending and distressing many people, would feel shocked but mostly ambivalent about your decision.

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?

I'd have my own crochet studio but despite my best efforts it would always be inhabited by terrifyingly huge spiders.

4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?

I would get a message to them via a mutual connection.

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?

Fat girl in a tail (favourite heckle during one of my mermaid appearances).

6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?

Bubbles (think Absolutely Fabulous).

7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?

Funnily enough this was a recent discussion between my other half and I after watching The Martian. I'm keen to either keep my feet on the ground or deep in the ocean... I do not crave flight. Plus, I'm not keen on Mars (the chocolate bar).

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?

RuPaul's Drag Race.

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?

A lie in, the cold side of a pillow, open window, birds chirping, afternoon sea swim, obscenely large roast dinner, evening of crochet, interesting television and a book in bed before sleep.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

The Night Watch, Fifth Element & The Minutes (Alison Moyet).

Tony Cowards

Tony Cowards is a comedian, presenter and award winning writer who specialises in puns.

Find him on Twitter - @TonyCowards

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?

Tea. Plain old English breakfast tea (as the Americans would call it). I was raised on tea and drink far too much of it.

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?

I'd be upset as I love listening to Test Match Special on the radio, especially on long drives.

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?

Professional footballer but I'd have to play for Norwich City (I'm an Ipswich Town fan).

4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?

Unfortunately I don't have Piers Morgan's number...

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?

IronMan, with the ability to remove all the creases from fresh laundry.

6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?

I've been heckled by people telling me that I look like a normal sized Stephen Merchant, so maybe he could come along as my big brother.

7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?

Yes, as long as I didn't have to grow potatoes in my own poo like Matt Damon.

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?

The Apprentice. There's no way I could do any worse than the numpties they have on there.

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?

Walk my dog somewhere with a nice lake or river, then stop and have a Sunday roast at a pub with friends.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

Well the first is a collection of paper with words and pictures in it... Oh I see what you mean... "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, "When Harry Met Sally" and "The Bends" by Radiohead

Julia Hughes

Julia Hughes is an author and ultra active book promoter. Her series are available on Amazon.

Find her on Twitter - @tinksaid

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose? 

Tea, Indian style.

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this? 

Amused. Good luck with that one.

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch? 

A high class chocolatier, but develop an allergy to cocoa.

4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them? 

Oh yes. I presume they hate me right back, or at least find me irritating. Now I’ve saved their life and they owe me big time. Sweet.

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you? 

Wasp whisperer. Actually, that’s probably not as mediocre as it first seems.

6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling? 

The local undertaker. I’d want to die after about five minutes in the above company.

7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige? 

No. Tink literally climbs walls in my absence. There’s a couple of humans who need me, too.

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do? 

I’d choose a cookery show and probably go out in the first round.

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do? 

Walk the dogs to the local pub for lunch. Afterwards go sea kayaking with a barbeque on the beach, and a laid back game of tip and run. That, by the way, is the new name for cricket.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

Thank you, and Happy Christmas. Aesop’s Fables, illustrated by Arthur Rackham, Cloud Atlas, and Bowie’s Hunky Dory album.

Sarah McQuaid

Sarah McQuaid is a singer-songwriter, guitarist and author of The Irish DADGAD Guitar Book who will be touring this April.

Find her on Twitter - @sarahmcquaid

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?

Coffee, black, no sugar. But it has to be good coffee. The trouble with drinking one's coffee black with no sugar is that if it's not good it's completely undrinkable.

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?

I'm not a cricket fan, but I'm very cross with you for using your absolute power to ban something as harmless as cricket. Surely you can do better than that!

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?

I kind of feel like I have the perfect job right now, in that I'm my own boss and I'm doing what I love. The catch is that I have to try to think of clever, humorous answers for questionnaires like this one! Arrrghh!

4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?

Can I email to warn them instead? Or text, even. I really, really, really hate making phone calls.

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?

Sock-Pairing-Woman! I can sort out a tangle of socks in under two minutes, even if they're all black.

6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?

People keep telling me I look like Carly Simon. I can't see the resemblance myself, but she's a brilliant singer and songwriter and I'd like to meet her anyway, so what the heck.

7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. 
Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?

Hell, no. I find flights hard enough to cope with, whatever about space travel.

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?

We got rid of our television back in 2003, so I'm kind of out of touch with the whole reality TV thing. However, I've just gone on Wikipedia to read up about the subject and I see that there's an Australian programme called "Renovation Rescue" in which a team of tradespeople shows up at your house and renovates it in two days. That sounds ok to me.

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?

When I'm not away on tour, I normally spend my Sundays rushing around trying to get stuff done that I've been putting off all week to do on Sunday. Sometimes I think it would be nice to spend the day lying on the sofa, reading and listening to music instead. But I've never actually tried doing that, so maybe I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I think I would.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

Gosh. That's a tough one. I take it this means I get the same book, film and album every week? So they have to be ones I'd want to read/see/listen to again and again. In which case let's make the book "The Wind In The Willows", the film "This Is Spinal Tap" and the album Joni Mitchell's "Blue".

Mark Hendy

Mark Hendy is a writer and life commentator who is infamous for accidentally being funny. His website is also his name - http://markhendy.co.uk/.

Find him on Twitter - @mrkhndy

1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?

I’d like to think that I would push my luck and ask for a glass of Malbec. But I would probably just have a cup of tea. I’ll just drink whatever you give me, it’s fine.

2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?

Right firstly I’d like to know more about how you became Emperor of the World. It’s a substantial role. I’m not suggesting you’re not up to it. I wouldn’t try to stop your cricket ban, I mean what can I do. I’d see people go on cricket marches, probably retweet them. Would that be ok? I just want an easy life.

If someone close to me enjoyed cricket and was now affected by the ban, I suppose that would have a knock-on effect for me and I would feel obliged to at least look like I cared.

3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?

I quite like gardening but I don’t like interacting with other people very much. So the job would be Gardener. And the catch would be that I had to interact with people in the garden. Nightmare.
 
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?

Someone else will do it. In my mind that absolves me from any moral dilemma. I don’t think I have the phone number of anyone I hate either.

5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?

Hang on is this like a riddle? I have to guess who I am? Let’s consider that it’s not a riddle and just a question. In that case, I would say I would be MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO A BORDERLINE MESSY FART – MAN. By which I mean, that I would be able to point at someone and they would need to fart, but they wouldn’t know if they were able without defecating slightly.

I would use this sparingly, and on bad people. Such as nazi people, or thieves.
 
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?

I would go alone, and I would say that my sibling had died. I would aim to ruin the vibe of the party and then leave early.
 
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?

No way. Who on earth would say yes? It would be utterly rubbish.

8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?

I would kill myself.

9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?

I would kill myself.

10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?

I like this idea. I guess you’re asking what’s my favourite book, film, and album? Although seeing as this may be viewed by other people, I do need to consider how my answers will be perceived. Actually I probably should have thought about this before I got to question ten.
 
Okay, let’s say The Diving Bell and the Butterfly for the book, because it’s just such an astonishing feat. Any film is fine really. And any Boards of Canada album, because I really like Boards of Canada.