The Big Green Bookshop is made up of Simon, internationally recognised news icon and Piers Morgan botherer, and Tim, known as “The Other One” or "Ortim" (as in “Is that Simon Ortim?) or “The Old One” or “The One With The Beard”, although they both have beards.
Find The Big Green Bookshop on Twitter - @Biggreenbooks
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea – no, Hot chocolate – no, Tea.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
I feel like a cup of tea.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Porn star, but I’d have to lose an inch off my penis
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Why would I have their phone number?
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
Tim, how-do-you-do? My thumbs bend backwards. (This is actually true. My thumbs do bend backwards)
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Dara O’Briain. We don’t look anything like each other.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
YES.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I’m a celebrity, get me out of here. Free trip to Australia, then complain about everything. Pretend to be stressed on day 1. Spend rest of the time in a hotel.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Sleep. Read. Eat. Play PC RGP game. Eat. Drink. Sleep. All while avoiding any human contact.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Hopefully, a surprise. Or a rich chap’s cheque book. Cling. Stamp.
Sunday 26 February 2017
Sunday 19 February 2017
Katherine Trill
Katherine Trill is a self-confessed human and a therapeutic parent who owns books, as well as being a secret promoter on the side.
Find her on Twitter - @KittyTrill
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea. Made in a pot using a strong tea leaf like Nilgiri then served with lots of milk and a pinch of sugar.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Personally Meh, but I know people for whom this would be dreadful and I would side with them in any protest.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Reading assistant in a primary school but if any one throws up I have to clean it up. Shudder.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Yes. If we want to change the actions of others to be better people, we must lead by example.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
The Catalogue Queen. I can sort out any files in a whizz.
Actually I could probably make a fortune from that so not that mediocre for me personally.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Ewan MacGregor. The guy has done so much with his life that he would be a delight to talk with. And he could find a way to make time with that group enjoyable.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Nope. I am the most risk average person I know.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
Strictly come dancing cos it would encourage me to get in shape and I would love to learn some dance moves. Boring answer I know.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Go to a spa. Have a full body deep tissue massage. Then a hot salt bath while watching boxsets.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
I have about 100 books already I haven't read yet but having really enjoyed the first Raymond Chandler book it would be one from his series.
I would like to see August Ossage county if I've spelled that right. All star cast so it looks good.
I'm a secret dance music fan and I don't yet own any Sia albums so whichever is her latest.
Find her on Twitter - @KittyTrill
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
Tea. Made in a pot using a strong tea leaf like Nilgiri then served with lots of milk and a pinch of sugar.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Personally Meh, but I know people for whom this would be dreadful and I would side with them in any protest.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
Reading assistant in a primary school but if any one throws up I have to clean it up. Shudder.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Yes. If we want to change the actions of others to be better people, we must lead by example.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
The Catalogue Queen. I can sort out any files in a whizz.
Actually I could probably make a fortune from that so not that mediocre for me personally.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Ewan MacGregor. The guy has done so much with his life that he would be a delight to talk with. And he could find a way to make time with that group enjoyable.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
Nope. I am the most risk average person I know.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
Strictly come dancing cos it would encourage me to get in shape and I would love to learn some dance moves. Boring answer I know.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Go to a spa. Have a full body deep tissue massage. Then a hot salt bath while watching boxsets.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
I have about 100 books already I haven't read yet but having really enjoyed the first Raymond Chandler book it would be one from his series.
I would like to see August Ossage county if I've spelled that right. All star cast so it looks good.
I'm a secret dance music fan and I don't yet own any Sia albums so whichever is her latest.
Sunday 12 February 2017
Sean Campbell
Sean Campbell is one half of the writing team responsible for the DCI Morton series of novels, the other being his brother Dan. The books are available at http://dcimorton.com.
Find him on Twitter - @DCIMorton
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
I’m on a peppermint tea kick at the moment. I hadn’t tried it before Christmas, and got given some of Lidl’s ‘Deluxe’ peppermint tea. It’s sweet enough to make me forget I’m cutting down on the desserts.
Other than that it’s usually coffee. Strong, black, and with the occasional shot of whisky.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
How very dare you! My parent’s local pub, the Bat and Ball, is right opposite the Cradle of Cricket on Broadhalfpenny Down, and my old man would be most upset. On the plus side we’d forever hold the Ashes.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I’m self-employed, and have been for pretty much all my adult life, so for me the catch would be losing that independence no matter which job I was offered.
Underwater photography of big fish would be amazing. Knowing my luck, I’d end up getting eaten by a Great White.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Why would I have someone’s number if I hate them? I’m afraid I’d have long since deleted it. Tough luck.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
I’m Guinness-drinking-man. I can finish a pint in under five seconds… as long as you’re buying. And yes, I actually can do this.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Can I bring Taylor Swift? She loves crime drama (her cat is named after Olivia Benson from Law and Order SVU). On second thoughts I’d be the second best looking Sean she’s met. That Sean O’Pry guy from the Blank Space music video clearly has me beat.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
A year? Jesus, rocket technology has come along quick. I’d have thought we’d take a little longer than that to get to Mars and back.
I’d have to stay here, as boring as that is. I have responsibilities that I couldn’t skip for a week, let alone a year.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. I’m not making any promises about actually doing the challenges, but I’d love the week in the Versace after inevitably being the first one evicted.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
I’d have a long lie-in, breakfast in bed, and then go find something exciting to do. I like to do something new as often as I can. I wouldn’t say no to a cheeky pint, or a dram of Scotch and a fancy meal either.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Book – A is for Arsenic: The Poisons of Agatha Christie. Things have moved on a bit since Agatha’s day, but she was brilliant at using topical murder methods (especially strychnine which she uses three times). That attention to detail is one of the things I love about her.
Film – Groundhog Day. I never know if this is really the story of a man who learns and betters himself until he escapes the repetition. I hope it is. But a dark part of me thinks that Phil Connors just might be a sociopath who realises that the way to escape is to complete the perfect day, whether or not his intentions behind that perfect day are honest and true or not. Anything with that sort of wheels-within-wheels logic fascinates me.
Album – Lukas Graham.
Find him on Twitter - @DCIMorton
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
I’m on a peppermint tea kick at the moment. I hadn’t tried it before Christmas, and got given some of Lidl’s ‘Deluxe’ peppermint tea. It’s sweet enough to make me forget I’m cutting down on the desserts.
Other than that it’s usually coffee. Strong, black, and with the occasional shot of whisky.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
How very dare you! My parent’s local pub, the Bat and Ball, is right opposite the Cradle of Cricket on Broadhalfpenny Down, and my old man would be most upset. On the plus side we’d forever hold the Ashes.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I’m self-employed, and have been for pretty much all my adult life, so for me the catch would be losing that independence no matter which job I was offered.
Underwater photography of big fish would be amazing. Knowing my luck, I’d end up getting eaten by a Great White.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Why would I have someone’s number if I hate them? I’m afraid I’d have long since deleted it. Tough luck.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
I’m Guinness-drinking-man. I can finish a pint in under five seconds… as long as you’re buying. And yes, I actually can do this.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Can I bring Taylor Swift? She loves crime drama (her cat is named after Olivia Benson from Law and Order SVU). On second thoughts I’d be the second best looking Sean she’s met. That Sean O’Pry guy from the Blank Space music video clearly has me beat.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
A year? Jesus, rocket technology has come along quick. I’d have thought we’d take a little longer than that to get to Mars and back.
I’d have to stay here, as boring as that is. I have responsibilities that I couldn’t skip for a week, let alone a year.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. I’m not making any promises about actually doing the challenges, but I’d love the week in the Versace after inevitably being the first one evicted.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
I’d have a long lie-in, breakfast in bed, and then go find something exciting to do. I like to do something new as often as I can. I wouldn’t say no to a cheeky pint, or a dram of Scotch and a fancy meal either.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
Book – A is for Arsenic: The Poisons of Agatha Christie. Things have moved on a bit since Agatha’s day, but she was brilliant at using topical murder methods (especially strychnine which she uses three times). That attention to detail is one of the things I love about her.
Film – Groundhog Day. I never know if this is really the story of a man who learns and betters himself until he escapes the repetition. I hope it is. But a dark part of me thinks that Phil Connors just might be a sociopath who realises that the way to escape is to complete the perfect day, whether or not his intentions behind that perfect day are honest and true or not. Anything with that sort of wheels-within-wheels logic fascinates me.
Album – Lukas Graham.
Sunday 5 February 2017
Tiernan Douieb
Tiernan Douieb is a stand up comedian specialising in politics (@parpolbro) and kids (@comedyclub4kids) though not necessarily at the same time.
Find him on Twitter - @TiernanDouieb
1. You make it round to my house. I have every hot beverage in the known world on offer. What do you choose?
I would normally pick tea but I think I'd go for a cold beverage just to prove a point. I'm not sure what point, but there's definitely one there somewhere.
2. I’ve been made the Emperor of the world. The first thing I do is ban cricket. How do you feel about this?
Brilliant. I hope red trousers are next. Then Piers Morgan.
3. You’re offered the perfect job but there’s a big catch – for instance, I’d like to star in a Hollywood film but I’d have to do plenty of underwater shots. What’s the job and what’s the catch?
I'd like to push the T-detonator on a ton of disused buildings. Not sure why, but have always fancied having a go. But I bet the catch would be that I also have to clear up afterwards and they only give me a dustpan and brush.
4. The person you hate the most is living in an area that’s about to be affected by nuclear fallout. Do you phone to warn them?
Yes. But not so they have enough time to escape, only so they have enough time to know why their face is melting and they've grown insect arms on their knees.
5. With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately you’ve been born with mediocre superpowers. Who are you?
I'm me. I have the mediocre power of making a bus appear at my local bus stop whenever I get there. It honestly doesn't matter what time, one always arrive within a minute of me waiting. Which seems pretty good, but it just means I'm early and bored a lot of the time.
6. It’s celebrity party time. On the guest list are Jedward, the Cheeky Girls and the Chuckle brothers. Who do you invite to be your pseudo-sibling?
Trevor McDonald. Then we'd both insist we're twins but refuse to answer any questions about it.
7. An invitation comes through from NASA; you’ve got the chance to be the first person on Mars. Would you take a year away from everyone and everything to oblige?
No I'm not keen on Mars. I think I'd give up my ticket to charity and by charity, I mean a reality show whereby the public vote for the worst person on Earth and we send them to Mars with the ticket instead. Then every time they try and return we explain that there are leaves on the tracks so they'd have to get a replacement bus service, leaving them stranded.
8. There’s no appealing, you have to do a reality TV show. Which one would you do?
I'd totally do Strictly. But I'd just try to moonwalk (which I can't do) every episode. And that's it. Every single episode.
9. You’re given the chance of a perfect Sunday. Bearing in mind cricket is banned, what do you do?
Practice my moonwalk just in case.
10. In my house it’s Christmas every week. You’re given a book, a film and an album. What are they?
The album would be James Brown's Funky Christmas, because if I have to endure Xmas every week at your house, I may as well enjoy the music. The book is The Road because no matter how awful the world is, Cormac McCarthy's book makes you realise it could be worse. Film - The Girl With All The Gifts, because I haven't seen it yet and I've heard it's great, so if I got that as a present, I might actually watch it.
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